I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
