Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
