I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
