Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
