Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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