the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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