Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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