I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
