my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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