hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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