Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
