sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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