didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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