I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
even my farts smell like vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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