I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
