Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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