Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
