put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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