i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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