He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
