From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
