in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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