He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
