That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
