I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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