I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
