Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
