yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
