Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
