epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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