what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
