I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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