Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
