I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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