Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
