i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
