i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
