my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
