We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
