im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
there is puke in my bra ... again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
