i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
