i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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