he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
