i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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