oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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