i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
