If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
