so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
