i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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