I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
