your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Two words: blizzard sex
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
