Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
