I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
